Programing jokes thread, post your best = )

Question

I really like the sense of community here and I was thinking it would be good to have a bit of a laugh, as we are all working hard learning new languages.

I will start with a few.

Q. Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
A. Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.

The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.

Q: "Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?"

A: Inheritance.

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”

All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.

The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the
programmer.

Q. Why do java developers wear glasses?
A. Because they can't C#.

Answer 1

I have in my post also.

["hip", "hip"]
(hip hip array)

Answer 2

Why is computer a hard worker?
A : It has two shifts.

Is Google a he or she?
A : She. Never lets me finish my query without giving suggestions.

Why does my compiler hate me?
A : I ignore all her warnings.

For more jokes, check out my 'Programming Jokes' code.

Answer 3

Q. What do computers, and air conditioners have in common?

A. They both become useless when you open up windows.

Answer 4

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

Answer 5

Computer Industry Acronyms

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can’t See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

Answer 6

A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says
"Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"
"That's OK" says the guy, puffing casually "I'm a computer programmer"
"So? What's that got to do with anything?"
"We don't care about warnings. We only care about errors."

Answer 7

A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?" The tables: "yes, but we will have to order by closing time or be left outer pocket.