The best Jokes about Programming

Question

Two bytes meet.  The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”  
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

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Eight bytes walk into a bar.  The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”

“Yeah,” reply the bytes.  “Make us a double.”

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Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

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Answer 1

A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.
After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s breast.
Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ?
The man hesitated for a second looking confused.
Man: But I thought we were in the same class.

Answer 2

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How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None – It’s a hardware problem

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Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? 
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.

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There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.

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Answer 3

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A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat.  An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.

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“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”

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Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

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Answer 4

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All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.

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Have you heard about the new Cray super computer?  It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

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The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

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“I just saw my life flash before my eyes and all I could see was a close tag…”

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Answer 5

@Alex, LMAO

Answer 6

Third one was superb!

Answer 7

@Alex HAHAH ROFL